Wow! I can’t believe that January 23rd already marked the first year anniversary of this blog.
In some ways it doesn’t seem like it could have possibly only been a year and in other ways it seems like it’s been a lifetime ago. Thank you to those of you who continue to read and share what I write. Hopefully you have been encouraged, challenged and inspired by the things I’ve shared with you so far.
Last week I was talking with my therapist about my recovery journey and we were both marveling at the progress I’ve made this past year. It truly is remarkable! One of the biggest changes for me has been learning to trust myself again. Learning to trust others has been difficult, but learning to trust my own gut instincts has been difficult on a whole other level. Here are a few things I’d like to share with you.
I hope and pray that you are making progress on your own recovery journey and that you can share this with someone who might be encouraged in their path of healing from abuse.
When you’ve been the victim of systematic, psychological and emotional abuse over any length of time, whether it be weeks, months or years, you can come out of it not knowing who you are as a person. You may have learned to question and second guess every single thought, feeling and emotion you experience. And in order to survive, you may have learned to downplay serious reactions to disturbing behavior in others.
Not wanting to be labeled a “Drama Queen,” I found myself often saying and thinking things like, “Oh, he didn’t really mean it that way.” Or, “It wasn’t that bad. It could have been much worse.” Until the day I was nearly suffocated half to death and I found myself (after a couple of days) finally telling a friend what had happened and actually laughing about it saying, “If I hadn’t pushed him so far, he wouldn’t have done it. He just doesn’t know his own strength”… I’ll never forget the look of horror on her face as she stared at me intently and said, “Mycah, he could have killed you. That is very serious.” That was the day, I began the journey toward learning to trust myself again.
And let me tell you, after years and years of doubting myself, my intelligence and my sanity, it has been a very rough road at times. I have come to see my sensitivity, my capacity to sense others’ emotions and empathize with them as a gift, even though it has often felt like a curse. I saw a video the other day that reminded me of this and I hope it will encourage you as well. Below is also a link to an article about the importance of “trusting your gut.”
Watch. Read. Enjoy. I love you and am praying for each and every one of you. Please comment or send me a message about your own journey. I’d love to hear from you!
Best Wishes and Happy New Year!